You made it! Here it is... the blog where you get to sit back and laugh at - or be completely horrified by - life with 5 kids, 2 parents, 1 dog, 2 cats, 1 guinea pig, & 2 turtles (and those are just the creatures we know about).


Screw italics. How is there STILL no sarcasm font??

I had a little tantrum in the notepad app of my phone last week. This past Wednesday went MUCH better, but I thought my tantrum was still worth posting:

Do you know what's not annoying? Staying late at work every Wednesday for professional development (when Wednesday has the toughest classes). 

You know what's not annoying? When you've had a really tough day of teaching a few really rude students and you come home to children who are acting ever so slightly psychotic. 

You know what else isn't annoying? When your husband decides to test his fancy new smoke detectors at 9 pm to make sure that when one goes off, they all go off. Btw: they work. ALL of them. Yay

And do you know what's not annoying? The Rugrats-themed hold music that the hubs has on speakerphone at top volume while he continues to test the smoke detectors. (Seriously. Google the Rugrats music, then blast it on repeat. Not painful, at all.)
 Also not annoying: the chewed-up chocolate Advent calendar that the dog left all over the rug. Now he'll have the runs and Charlotte will be one pissed-off little elf. SO not annoying. 

Do you know what else isn't annoying? When your shins still feel horribly bruised from the ski boots you buckled your giant man-calves into a full week ago. It's fun walking around feeling like you've been kicked repeatedly by evil midgets. (Dwarves, little people... Whatever. Too busy not being annoyed to be politically correct.) 

It is also not at all annoying when one of your students waits until the class is over (and the next group is arriving) to throw an entire bucket of squares on the floor. Math manipulatives make excellent confetti.
Maybe I should've made this some kind of counting activity...

 So, I'm over it today (it is Friday, after all), but I'm sure this list has growth potential. 

What about you? Anything you'd like to add?...


Wardrobe Malfunction

I feel like it has been a while since I had a good wardrobe malfunction to report. Not to worry, friends. I'm up to my old tricks again.

Two weeks ago, I took a pair of jeans out of the closet that I hadn't worn in a while. (I'd gotten too big for them.) Imagine my joy when I realized that I could actually button them without feeling like I was doing damage to my internal organs! I buttoned them up (with no pain) & thought I looked pretty good. Until I got to work.

Before my first class, I went to the ladies' room. It wasn't until I pulled my pants down that I realized that I could actually see THROUGH the thighs of my jeans. Apparently, I'd put the jeans back in the closet with worn out thighs - Why? Why didn't I throw them out?? - and it had been so long, that I'd forgotten all about the holes. (It's a tough life when your thighs rub your jeans right out.) 

Luckily, I have good friends at work. How do you know if you have good friends? Here's one quick rule to measure by: Will your friends stand behind you and basically look right up your ass to make sure the holes in your pants don't show? No? Then you don't have very good friends. 

I managed to make it through the day without flashing my thighs at anyone. I also managed to throw those babies right into the trash when I got home. (Or, right onto the floor. Where they will end up in the laundry and hanging back in my closet for me to repeat the same mistake on another day. It's hard to keep track of these things.)

I'm pretty sure the whole "ripped jeans" look isn't meant to show you the floor when you have to pee.
Here's to making it through the week without any body parts busting out of their casings. 

HEY! If you enjoy the blog, why not become a follower? I'm the one who is buying pants. You can also stalk find me on Facebook and TwitterLike the page and follow me!

**And be sure to visit my Zazzle store. Don't you need a new coffee mug or apron?

-->What about you? Have your clothes failed you lately? Feel free to share your story in the comments below...


Tuesday's Tip (#43)

Here's a tip for you:

Lock the dog door.

Otherwise, you may wake up early and decide to walk through your living room and narrowly avoid stepping on the carcass of a murdered possum. Because, of course. Why wouldn't my dog go out in the middle of the night and kill a possum to bring back for me as a gift? Silver lining: I'd rather have a dead possum than a live one in my living room. 

Be glad I decided to draw the line at what is Instagram-worthy. No corpses. 


Progress Post (#3)

I figured it was just about time for another progress post. I can't seem to get the scale to move these days, but I'm not discouraged because I know I'm busting my ass. I finally took some measurements, so I'm going to start using those to see if I'm making any changes that the scale just can't register.

I finally finished the Couch to 5K training. Yay! A few years ago, I used it and then started running pretty steadily. I ran almost all the way through my pregnancy with Sean (#4) and even did a 5K about five weeks after he was born. Once I went back to work (5 years ago), that kind of fell apart. I've since restarted the training a million times, but I've never gone past week 4. I'm so excited to finally have finished. Yesterday, I downloaded the 10k training app and that is my next goal. Whoa.

Woo Hoo!
In addition to the running, I've been going to the gym regularly and my weights have increased quite a bit. I am lifting over 10,000 lbs in almost every session. I just had my most recent strength test. I've made some good progress! I'm at an all time high on three of the four sections of the strength test. I have no idea what is up with my lat pulldowns. I can't seem to get those to move at all.

Strong is the new skinny!
That's where I stand right now. I've been logging all of my food into MyFitnessPal, going to the gym to lift and run at least three times a week (sometimes more), and gettting a ton of steps every day with my Fitbit. I can't tell if my body is changing yet. I do seem to be able to fit into my jeans a little better, but the scale is pretty much stuck around 208. Here's to eventually making it into ONEderland. I'd really love to be out of the 200's again, soon. Wish me luck!

Thanks to everyone who reads these blog posts, or my Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram posts. The comments and likes really keep me motivated. I heart my virtual cheerleaders!



Progress Post (#2)

So much for those weekly progress posts I was going to do. Yikes. Apparently, five kids, work, my messy house, fitness goals and a blog were just too much for me. So, let me recap the challenge and what's happening now.

The first week of the challenge went pretty well. I had so many amazing intentions. Then, I went back to work for a week of professional development. And then the kids and I went back to school. So I spent those two weeks gaining weight. I ended up weighing more than when I started the challenge. Idiot. Since then, I've buckled down. I've been going to the gym as often as possible (usually at 5am). I've been logging everything that passes my lips into MyFitnessPal. I haven't lost much weight, but every ounce down is an ounce in the right direction. And my strength has seriously increased. I definitely can't complain about that (strong is the new skinny, after all).

Here's where I stand so far:

I started the challenge at 214.6 lbs. Then, I let myself get all the way up to 217.2 lbs. Highest weight ever. Not exactly the kind of achievement I was looking for. I've since had a very slow, but steady loss that has brought me down to 210.8 as of this past Wednesday. I haven't taken any recent progress pics, so I will have to post some in my next update. 

I've talked about the fact that I let myself go over the past two years. My gym (Koko FitClub), has trackers that monitor your strength gain over time. When I was going steadily in 2012, I really brought my strength up. These last two years of only attending the gym sporadically, killed me. So, since I've started going more regularly, things are finally starting to change for the positive (again). Here is the graph that includes my most recent strength test results:

My biceps curl is actually at an all-time high & I'm working the rest of myself back up (little by little). Here's to progress!

That's where I stand right now. I'm trying. If you don't hear from me, send me a message. I could really use the motivation!

Remember the motto: #StopEatingCrapAndMoveYourAss



Tuesday's Tip (#42)

Here's a tip for you:


Mentally, I'm going to be at the beach today. I still can't believe summer is over. My kids don't go back to school until next week, but I've got a full week of professional development this week. Wasn't it just June 25th?? How is this possible? So, I'm in denial. I'm going to participate. I'm going to learn. But a little part of my brain is going to have her ass planted in the sand with an ice cold beer in hand. Changing my desktop background to this:


Maybe next week, I'll embrace this inevitable time of year and get a pumpkin spice latte. Until then, I'll be pretending to work on my tan. 

Have a tip to share? Or some imaginary sunscreen? Feel free to leave a comment below...

...& be sure to check back every Tuesday for a new tip!


Monday Progress Post #1

Every Monday during my #FleurtySummerChallenge I am going to post an update. I know I might not see too much progress from one week to the next, but I'm hoping that the differences will start to show themselves over time.

I had a great week this week to kick off the challenge. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about the weekend. We had a family party to attend on Cape Cod so my in-laws got us rooms at an adorable motel for the weekend. Which meant we took our annual trip to Arnold's, a restaurant famous for it's lobster roll. And I had one. Complete with the side of drawn butter. And it was terrific. The one thing I did right this weekend was to log everything into My Fitness Pal. All million calories of it. I totally splurged. But, I'm making a plan for next weekend right now because I can't afford to undo all of my hard work every weekend. What's done is done - moving on. 

I'm back to work this week after having the summer off. {whimper} The one positive to that is following a schedule. It always makes keeping track of my eating a lot easier. To kick the week off right, I got up and got dressed for the gym at 4:30 this morning. I found myself smiling halfway through my run because I was proud that I had even made it there and glad that my workout was done for the day. 

Weight goals: 

I have an ultimate number that I would love to see again (for the first time since college), but I know it's a long way off. Holding out for that goal feels daunting and a little bit discouraging, so I've made quite a few smaller goals to shoot for. I'm going to work for losing 5% of my starting weight at a time, until I can get to that magic number.

Starting weight: 214.6
5%: 204
10%: 193
15%: 182
20%: 172
25%: 161
30%: 150
Ultimate goal: 145

I have no idea how long it is going to take me to check off each one of these goals, but I'm in this for the long haul and I am determined. I also know that the number on the scale isn't always indicative of change. There are other things I'd like to see, as well. Like collarbones. I had those once. Or biceps. I used to rock some serious muscle. So, I'm looking out for changes in my appearance and my clothing, too.

I took another picture today at the gym. It looks completely identical to the "before" picture. Obviously, I'm not expecting to see visible results for a while, but I'm hoping these pictures will help me notice differences over time. I lost 2.3 lbs this week. I'm pleased with that because my goal is to lose 2 lbs per week and - considering my weekend binge - I am on track with that. 

Thanks for reading and please keep cheering me on. It's what really keeps me going!